09:30 PM PST (August 13, 2025) - P.S. EIC

Somewhere in the Alternate Universe of FOX News — Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. went on FOX television last night. They were angry. Their father is president again, and people keep asking them to stop selling things.

They don’t want to stop selling things.

The thing they’re selling now is a cryptocurrency called You’ve Been Trumped. It’s shaped like a coin but isn’t a coin. It’s made of numbers and hope. Mostly hope.

“We’re being persecuted,” said Don Jr., blinking fast. “Just because our dad is the leader of the free world doesn’t mean we should stop monetizing our last name.”

Eric nodded. He had memorized the word “blockchain” and said it five times. No one asked him what it meant.

The Coin That Does Nothing, Which Is the Point

The coin promises freedom. It also promises steak knives, autographed by someone who may or may not be Eric. The knives are dull. The freedom is theoretical.

Investors receive Trump Points, which can be exchanged for NFTs of Don Jr. crying in a helicopter. The helicopter is not included.

The coin’s value dropped 97% in the first hour. That was considered a win.

“We’re disrupting the economy,” said Don Jr. “We’re also disrupting common sense.”

FOX Television Is Where Truth Goes to Die

Fox News hosted the segment. The hosts smiled and nodded. One of them said the coin was “a brave stand against financial communism.” Another said, “I wish I had sons like that.”

No one asked about the lawsuits. No one asked about the missing investors. No one asked about the coin’s whitepaper, which was written in crayon and smelled like steak sauce.

The American Dream Is a Pyramid

Eric and Don Jr. believe they are victims. They believe this very hard. They believe it so hard that it has become a kind of religion.

“We’re just trying to help people,” said Eric. “Help them give us money.”

Don Jr. nodded. He looked tired. He looked like someone who had just realized that the American Dream was a pyramid scheme and he was stuck halfway up, selling coins to strangers.

The segment ended. The coin kept dropping. The world kept spinning.

No one learned anything.

Again, NotSure News bases some things on fact. Again, we are being forced to use the F-word which we do not pride ourselves on, but this is F-ing the case.