05:00 PM PST (September 28, 2025) - N.S. EIC

Shrapnel: Michigan’s Most Patriotic Arsonist Makes Sunday Service Great Again

Grand Blanc, Michigan — September 28, 2025

In a bold reinterpretation of “Love thy neighbor,” Thomas Jacob Sanford, a 40-year-old former Marine and part-time Second Amendment performance artist, crashed his Chevy Silverado through the front doors of a Mormon church and opened fire on congregants mid-hymn. Witnesses say the service transitioned abruptly from “Come, Follow Me” to “Run, Duck, and Pray.”

Sanford, who reportedly lived just eight miles away in Burton, Michigan, brought more than just spiritual fervor to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He arrived with a semi-automatic rifle, several improvised explosive devices, and what investigators suspect was a deep-seated hatred for peaceful coexistence.

“He was a family man,” said one social media post, “with a wife, a son, and a tactical vest that screamed ‘I’m the protagonist of my own militia fantasy.’” Neighbors described him as quiet, patriotic, and “the kind of guy who thinks church pews should come with gun racks.”

After shooting ten people, killing two, and allegedly setting the church ablaze, Sanford exchanged gunfire with police and was killed in the parking lot, presumably while trying to reload his constitutional rights.

President Trump responded swiftly, declaring the incident “yet another targeted attack on Christians,” and promising full federal support. He did not clarify whether Sanford was the attacker or the martyr, but sources say a commemorative MAGA flamethrower may be in development.

Church members, meanwhile, are left grieving and rebuilding. “We were singing,” said Paula, a Sunday school teacher. “Then the doors blew open and peace left the building.”

In the aftermath, Sanford’s legacy remains unclear. Was he a lone wolf? A Second Amendment saint? Or just another man who mistook a house of worship for a Call of Duty map?

One thing’s certain: in America, even sanctuaries aren’t safe from the gospel of gunfire.

Meanwhile the right lunatics are trying to downplay their own being the aggressor. It is clear that this is just another right wing lunatic, yet Donald Trump has declared civil war on the left. We are not sure, unless to obfuscate from his many grifts and criminal empire, that he is continuing to try to distract the American people.

 t is for sure that the sickness exists on the right. The obvious door opened to them to practice mass violence is systematically twisting through their ranks and w3ill not stop. But Trump, and the Project 2025 crew, will continue to distort the truth and spread fear amongst our great nation. De3stroying it in the process.