04:51PM PST (July 22, 2025) - P.S. EIC

Washington, D.C. — Chaos briefly erupted in the White House press room Tuesday afternoon after Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt’s necklace — a modest silver cross — spontaneously burst into flames as she nervously dodged a question about Donald Trump, Speaker Mike Johnson, and the mysterious early closure of Congress amid renewed attention on Jeffrey Epstein’s connections.

The moment came after NPR reporter Sandra Vasquez asked whether President Trump had instructed Speaker Johnson to abruptly adjourn Congress “to avoid uncomfortable subpoenas related to Epstein’s files.” Leavitt, blinking rapidly and clutching her notes, responded, “I’m… not sure that the President had any direct involvement in—”

FWOOOSH.

Eyewitnesses say the necklace ignited in a “small but deeply symbolic blaze,” producing a puff of smoke and the faint sound of a church organ playing a single ominous chord.

“I thought it was a malfunctioning microphone or maybe static electricity,” said one reporter. “But then the cross lit up like the Fourth of July, and she just kept talking, like it wasn’t literally burning a hole through her blouse.”

Leavitt, eyes watering but still smiling mechanically, insisted the flaming cross was “a routine spiritual occurrence” and not indicative of divine judgment. “Sometimes jewelry reacts to high-pressure media environments,” she said, now fanning smoke with a printout of talking points labeled “EPSTEIN: DON’T MENTION.”

Sources say a staffer attempted to put the fire out with a bottle of Diet Coke, while another quietly Googled “signs of spontaneous damnation.”

White House chaplain Father Doug McManus later arrived on scene to perform “light decontamination and vibes-check,” assuring reporters that “the Lord’s PR is still intact, pending review.”

Meanwhile, Trump — when asked about the incident on Truth Social — posted, “Karoline is doing a FANTASTIC job. Crosses spontaneously combust around me all the time. It’s called PASSION. Epstein? Never met him. Congress was boring anyway.”

The necklace has been taken in for evidence and possible exorcism. No injuries were reported, though one aide claimed to hear faint whispering in Latin as the flames died down.

More as this story develops… or combusts.