10900 PM PST (September 17, 2025) - N.S. EIC

WINDSOR, UK — September 17, 2025

President Donald J. Trump arrived in the United Kingdom today for his second official state visit. He was received at Windsor Castle with full ceremonial honors by King Charles III, Queen Camilla, Prince William, and Princess Catherine, each of whom maintained regal composure while quietly bracing for impact.

The President, sporting a navy suit and a red tie long enough to double as a Union Jack table runner, exited his motorcade to the sound of trumpets and one confused bagpiper. Upon shaking hands with King Charles, Trump reportedly asked, “So you’re still doing the king thing, huh?”

The evening’s state dinner, held in the gilded halls of Windsor Castle, featured roast lamb, minted peas, and a bowl of truffle mashed potatoes that would soon become the most geopolitically significant starch since the Berlin Bagel Incident of 1987.

Mid-toast, as Trump praised the “tremendous, just tremendous” relationship between the U.S. and U.K., a footman, allegedly distracted by the President’s anecdote about inventing tea, slipped. The ladle of mashed potatoes launched skyward, arced like a Wimbledon lob, and landed squarely atop Trump’s hair quaff with a soft, buttery plop.

The room froze. Then erupted.

King Charles chuckled into his wine. Queen Camilla whispered, “Well, that’s one way to crown a guest.” Prince William offered a napkin and a diplomatic shrug. Princess Catherine updated her private Instagram with the caption: #SpudSpangledBanner.

🎙️ Presidential Response: “Best Potatoes Ever”

Unfazed and now lightly seasoned, Trump stood and declared, “These are the best mashed potatoes I’ve ever worn. Better than Idaho. Better than Ireland. Frankly, better than anything Sleepy Joe could serve.”

He then proposed a new bilateral initiative: Operation Mash Unity, aimed at strengthening ties through shared starch-based experiences.

The Origin of the Sulk: Mary Trump Weighs In

While the incident was laughed off by most in the room, one person wasn’t surprised by the President’s frosty reaction: his niece, Mary Trump. In a TikTok video posted in May 2024, Mary recounted a childhood story that has become family lore and, arguably, presidential pathology.

According to Mary, her father Fred Trump Jr. once dumped a bowl of mashed potatoes on young Donald’s head to stop him from tormenting their younger brother, Robert. Everyone laughed. Donald sulked. And according to Mary, he’s been sulking ever since.

“Every single time, even six decades later, Donald reacted exactly the same way,” she said. “He crossed his arms. He pouted. He sulked until somebody changed the subject”.

Mary described the moment as part of Trump’s “origin story,” suggesting that his inability to laugh at himself is a long-standing and “dangerous” trait. The Windsor incident, she implied, was less a diplomatic faux pas and more a psychological rerun.

Buckingham Palace released a statement calling the incident “a moment of levity in an otherwise dignified evening,” while Downing Street confirmed that no diplomatic protocols were violated, though the mashed potatoes have been granted temporary asylum.

The President’s team later tweeted a photo of the moment with the caption: “Making dinner great again.” The image has since been turned into a commemorative plate, a limited-edition bobblehead, and a new flavor of Trump-branded instant potatoes: Golden Crown Mash.