09:00 PM PST (October 22, 2025) - N.S. EIC

In a stunning revelation that has left dermatologists, theologians, and national archivists speechless, the latest Time magazine cover has exposed what experts are now calling “The Neck Pussy”, a fleshy, shadowed convergence of throat folds beneath President Trump’s chin that appears to defy the laws of anatomy, optics, and shame.

The image, intended to convey gravitas, instead unveiled what many describe as a “neck-based oubliette,” a place where inconvenient truths, subpoenas, and former staffers go to disappear. “I looked into it and saw my own childhood,” said one photographer. “It whispered to me.”

Sources close to the administration claim the folds contain:

• A backup nuclear football made of fondant

• Rudy Giuliani’s original teeth

• The unedited Apprentice tapes

• A half-finished golf scorecard from 1987 marked “Perfect Game”

Evangelical leaders have declared the Neck Pussy a “third temple,” citing its uncanny resemblance to a velvet drapery and its ability to consume light. “It’s not a flaw,” said one pastor. “It’s a divine pouch.”

The Pentagon has issued a statement confirming that the Nussy (a copyright term belonging to NotSure News) has its own gravitational field and may be responsible for the disappearance of several classified documents. “We’re not saying it’s sentient,” said one general, “but it did wink at me.”