07:00 PM PST (August 19, 2025) - P.S. EIC

Washington, D.C. — In a surprising twist on traditional diplomacy, visiting foreign delegates were treated to a unique shopping experience at the White House gift shop this week. President Donald Trump, ever the showman, personally unveiled a new line of patriotic merchandise, including the headline-grabbing “MAGA Diapers”; bright red with bold white lettering and a mysterious set of “Epstein Phase 2” binders.

“Nothing says American innovation like absorbency and organization,” Trump reportedly quipped, gesturing proudly to the display. “These diapers are tremendous. Best in the world. And the binders? Let’s just say they’re very, very important.”

Delegates from several countries browsed the collection with a mix of curiosity and confusion. One ambassador was overheard asking if the binders contained trade agreements or “child pornography.”

In a gesture of goodwill, Trump offered a “delegation discount,” slashing prices by 10% for any purchase over $500. “We’re making deals, folks. Big deals. Even bigger than usual,” he said, handing out coupons shaped like miniature golf clubs.

The gift shop, newly redecorated with gold trim and velvet ropes, also featured other items such as “Presidential Cologne” that smells like diarrhea and “Executive Action Energy Bars.”

While reactions were mixed, one delegate summed it up best: “I came for diplomacy. I left with diapers. America never ceases to surprise.”