08:51 PM PST (August 13, 2025) - S.S. C

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald J. Trump, dressed in a crisp five-star general’s uniform adorned with medals and a broad-peaked cap, spent Monday afternoon walking through downtown Washington in what the White House billed as a “personal battlefield inspection” of the homelessness crisis.

Flanked by military aides and a trailing motorcade, the president stopped at several encampments, occasionally pointing with a slender brass-tipped stick toward tents or personal belongings. “We’re going to clean this up,” Trump told reporters. “When you’re president, a strong president, you have total authority. I could take over any city in America tomorrow. The Constitution says it, maybe not in those exact words, but the lawyers will tell you it’s in there somewhere.”

He compared his walk to historic moments in military history. “This is like when General MacArthur walked into Tokyo, except I’m doing it better, much better. I could run every city personally, and they’d be amazing within weeks. People say that. Everybody says that.”

Critics were quick to note the irony of the president’s martial display given his history of avoiding service in Vietnam. Trump dismissed the question:

“I would have been the greatest general in American history, but I served in a different way. I built towers, made deals, and now I’m fighting the toughest battle of all: fixing cities that were a disaster before I even got here.”

Leaked White House Legal Memo

A memo circulated within the administration, obtained by The Capitol Ledger, appeared to show staff scrambling to find legal footing for the president’s claims. The document, marked “For Internal Use Only,” suggested citing the Insurrection Act, the Postal Clause, and “general vibes of overwhelming victory” as possible justifications.

One unnamed senior aide, speaking on condition of anonymity, described the memo as “less a legal document and more of a mood board.” Another aide, when asked if the president actually had the authority to seize control of cities, sighed and said, “We’re still looking. He’s not wrong in the sense that he believes it.”

Mixed Reactions on the Ground

Some homeless residents welcomed the president’s presence. “It’s good he’s here in person,” said James Walker, who’s lived on the streets for four years. “At least he’s seeing it.” Others were less convinced. One woman muttered, “Feels more like a parade than a plan,” as the president’s security detail passed by.

A Grand Exit

Before leaving, Trump addressed a group of city workers: “If I wanted, I could be the mayor of this city tomorrow, and also every other city, and I’d do a fantastic job. Better than anyone in history. And everyone would be so grateful, you wouldn’t believe it.” He then saluted the press corps, boarded his motorcade, and departed for what aides described as “a strategic Mar-a-Lago planning session,” widely understood to be a golf outing.