09:50 PM PST (September 10, 2025) - N.S. EIC

NotSure News Exclusive – Our own fact checker, Chip “The Source” Dabble, has been included on a text thread between President of the United States, Donald J Trump on his personal burner phone (though he doesn’t realize that the concept will not work when he purchases minutes from his Liberty Financial account) and the Proud Boys: Oath Keepers, Enrique Tarrio (born to illegal immigrant parents) wherein they discussed the fate of late Charlie Kirk, sadistic grifter influencer.

The following is the printed transcript from Chip’s 2002 Blackberry phone:

Trump: “Listen Enrique. We have a big problem. This Epstein issue is not going away and is only getting worse.”

Enrique: “Okay boss, what can I do?”

Trump: “You know, Homie, we’ve done all we can to distract. I even blew a small fishing boat out of the water.”

Enrique: “Yeah, I heard.”

Trump: “But that didn’t work. Little Marco fucked that up.”

Enrique: “Yeah, I saw he said that they were not heading to the U.S... What a dipshit.”

Trump: “Look Holmes, I need ideas. Who can we sacrifice? You understand?”

Enrique: “I understand. Well, what about Kirk? He’s been badmouthing you about the files?”

Trump: “I don’t care about anybody really Holmes. But Melania likes him. Not sure what is going on there.”

Enrique: “But he’s young and he really can’t do shit for you anymore. If something should happen to him, well, that would just set the base off on a leftist witch-hunt. Who cares what they do? It will turn this all around for you sir.”

Trump: “Well, Esse, do you have anyone that can do it and not get caught?”

Enrique: “This is what we’ve been training for our entire lives. Just give me the word.”

Trump: “What will I owe you?”

Enrique: “I want Cash Patel’s position.”

Trump: “That’s all? He a brown weasel. You’ve got it. I hate that immigrant anyway. I will make sure Patel gets clowned on the case if you make it happen before the rest of the files are exposed.”

Enrique: “Done.”

Trump: “Do me a favor and make it clean, but gory, and painless if possible. I mean, Melania has a thing for this joker.”

Enrique: “You got it boss. We will make sure we leave no trace.”

What followed will go down in history, for the next two weeks only, because the Education Department is set to declare all history books and written news un-American and only Truth Social can be taught in schools and disseminated over the internet and airwaves.

Chip “The Source” Dabble has gone into hiding and is not reachable for comment. He is still acting fact checker for NotSure News but on paid leave until this 4 hour news cycle has ended and will return to work.