06:00 PM PST (September 14, 2025) - P.S. EIC

By Not Sure Media, Unapologetically

Charlie Kirk is dead. So it goes.

He died doing what he loved: being publicly wrong in front of young people. The bullet arrived faster than his next bad take, which is saying something. We at NotSure News will not mourn him. We will not lower our temperature. We will not apologize. We will not capitulate to the death threats, the pearl-clutching, or the soggy cries of “civility.”

The Garbage Human Doctrine

Charlie Kirk was not a misunderstood patriot. He was a fascist garbage human, a term we use clinically, like “malignant tumor” or “expired mayonnaise.” He co-founded Turning Point USA, a youth indoctrination program disguised as a political movement, where facts went to die and logic was waterboarded for sport.

He believed the separation of church and state was a myth. He believed gay rights were an agenda. He believed death threats were proof of success. He believed in himself, which was his greatest crime.

The Temperature Will Remain High

We at NotSure News are not cooling down. We are not turning down the satire oven. We are baking fascism into ash and serving it with a side of righteous mockery. We will not be bullied into politeness by people who think civility is more important than truth.

Vonnegut Would’ve Called Him a Bokononist Without the Poetry

If Vonnegut were here, he’d sketch Charlie Kirk as a man who mistook his own echo for divine revelation. He’d place him in a society where truth was illegal and irony was currency. He’d let him babble about freedom while building cages for it.

And then he’d say: “So it goes.”

Editor’s Note:

We are not sorry. We are not scared. We are not lowering our temperature. We are NotSure News, and we will continue to roast fascists until the sun burns out or the Wi-Fi goes down—whichever comes first.