NotSure News
We are committed to delivering unbiased and thought-provoking coverage of current affairs, all while offering a discerning perspective that encourages reflection, and perhaps a smirk, on the world around us.
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Not Sure Media operates on zero funding, maximum delusion, and a surplus of emotional liabilities. We distort reality into satirical hallucinations using nothing but unpaid labor, existential dread, and a deep commitment to spoon-feeding truth with rage, ridicule, and the occasional antacid. If it feels unhinged, good, it means it’s working.
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*NotSure News EXCLUSIVE* 27 House Republicans Grounded by “Air Traffic Restrictions” in Bold Bid to Avoid Democracy
Pete Hegseth Directs Strike on Caribbean Carnival Cruise Ship Allegedly Trafficking Piña Coladas and Venezuelan Vibes
NotSure News Presents: “Idiocracy Airlines — Now Boarding at Gate DHS”
Corporate Media Burnout: A NotSure News Editorial (Non-Satirical Edition)
Oh, So Now You Care? Corporate Media Discovers “The People” After Polls Close
ICE Celebrates Dodgers Victory with Surprise Deportation Doubleheader — NotSure News Exclusive
The Billionaire Binky Crisis: America’s Most Subsidy-Addicted Class Faces Withdrawal
BREAKING: Trump Finally Submits Architectural Plans for Inflatable White House Ballroom, Replaces West Wing and Fallout Shelter with Giant Bouncy Castle
TRUMP DEMOLISHES WEST WING TO BUILD PUTT-PUTT COURSE, CLAIMS IT’S “INFRASTRUCTURE WEEK”
NotSure News has copyrighted the term “Nussy” - the description of President Trumps Neck Pussy.
Not Sure Media Exclusive: “The Neck Pussy That Roared: Inside Trump’s Presidential Neck Vortex”
BREAKING: President Trump Sues Himself for $230 Million, Promises to Maybe Donate It to Himself Later
Trump Unveils Loyalty Tariffs: States That Didn’t Vote for Him Face Up to 100% Penalties—Unless They Apologize and Build Golf Courses
NO KINGS: A Declaration of the Fed-Up (Now with 30% More Sarcasm)
RESTOREYR WAR ROOM: Where the Heads Are Tiny, the Hate Is Huge, and Sex Is for Liberals”
“The In-Flight Patriot Test” — A NotSure News Thought Experiment
Speaker Johnson’s “Bad Bunny” Halftime Persona Declares War on Due Process, Cites Divine Mandate for Trump Supremacy
Operation Micro-Might: Hegseth and Trump Call Quantico Summit
Trump to Lead National Guard March on Portland: Antifa, Kars 4 Kids “Losers” in the Crosshairs
Trump Secretly Sends Pam Bondi to Strike Deal With Ghislaine Maxwell: “My Supporters Will Eat It Up Like a Golden Big Mac”
Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth Falls Off Airport Barstool, Cites “Strategic Descent” in Defense of Freedom
Freedom Ain’t Free—It’s $1.99 at Walmart with a MAGA Discount
Department of Historical Whitewashing and Medals for Mayhem
Trump Indicts His Second-Grade Music Teacher
I Canceled Disney, ABC, and DIRECTV—and Jimmy Kimmel’s Return Only Proves I Was Right
The Love That Dared to Hold Hands: Trump-Epstein Statue Toppled Before Sunrise
The Agony and the Ecstasy of Teaching an Old Dog to Motorboat Titties at Dog Beach
Trump Shocks with U-Turn on Ukraine, Suggests Kyiv Could Actually Win
Trump’s DOJ Now Investigating Voters for the Crime of Having Opinions
California’s Airwaves Drenched in Bullsh*t as Wealthy Conservatives Try to Rebrand Oppression with Diversity Cameos
Local 61-Year-Old Man Still Living at Home, Powered Entirely by Beer, Bong Hits, and Maternal Guilt
The Republican Party Goose-Steps Toward a Glorious Future of White Christian Nationalism
Trump Attends First Annual MAFA Ceremony at Tupelo Truck Stop
AMERICAN BROADCAST COMPANY (ABC) CANCELS JIMMIY KIMMEL _ NSN CALLS FOR BOYCOTT
Mashed and Majestic: Trump’s Second UK State Visit Ends in Starchy Diplomacy
New Military Targeting Photo of Venezuelan Fishing Boat Destroyed by U.S. Forces Leaked
Beaker Fired from CDC After Telling RFK Jr. What a Vaccine Actually Is
ICE Agents on Scooters Detain Firefighters Mid-Blaze at Bear Gulch
Tesla Radar? Never Heard of It -- A Short Story for the Software-Damaged Soul
White House Flag-Burner Arrested Hours After Trump’s “No Toasted Symbols” Directive
White House Gift Shop Unveils Bold New Line: MAGA Diapers and “Jefferey Epstein: Phase 2” Binders
The Peace Talks That Broke Reality: Putin’s Mind Games and Trump’s Hero Worship
Bernie Sanders Declares War on Oligarchs, Offers Free Pitchforks to All Americans
White House Photo of Trump “Confronting” Putin Actually Shows Him Pointing Out Borscht Stain
BREAKING: Historic Peace Breakthrough Reached on the Porcelain Front
Putin and Trump Take Break From Alaska Talks for Backyard Hose Duel
The Great Sandwich Uprising: When Footlongs Became Freedom’s Baton
The Caveman Conundrum: Trump Declares War on Prehistoric Packages
Donny Bananas: The Thumb-Toed Luchador Trump Won’t Claim
Newsom Declares “Liberation Day” as California Redistricts to Counter Texas; ICE Agents Mistake Civic Engagement for Sedition
Eric and Don Jr. Launch “You’ve Been Trumped” Coin, Say Grifting Is a Family Value
President Trump Conducts “Street-Level” Homelessness Inspection in Military Regalia By The Capitol Ledger Staff
Stephen Miller: “It’s Her or the Mayo — And I’m Still Thinking” By The National Spittoon News Service
The President Who Loved Tanks Too Much
President Trump Orders Army Corps to Flood California Farms: “Let the Water Pick the Produce”
Ohio Reassigns Public School Buses to Private School Kids After Rich Families Complain Their Limo Drivers “Don’t Do Mornings”
Trump Reportedly Hit Up MythBusters to Debunk Epstein Scandal; Teen Girl Crash Test Dummies Still Accused Him of Sexual Abuse
ICE Deploys Rented Electric Scooters to “Gently Relocate” Immigrant in Los Angeles
NotSure News Hires Fact Checker With Troubled Past
President Trump Refuses to Leave White House Roof, Declares “Camp MAGA” a Sovereign Nation
JD Vance Enters Hell to Investigate Trump–Satan Sex Scandal; Melania Says “He Only Screams Like That for Lucifer”
“It’s a Small World After All”: JD Vance Enjoys Beer-Fueled Brawl with Goofy While Family Detained in Pirate-Themed ICE Raid
Texas Democrats Declare Autonomous Zone in Chicago Hotel, Republicans Respond with Flaming Gavel Parade
Trump Debunks Micro-Penis Rumors with Sausage, Blames Obama’s “Unfairly Majestic Presidential Meat”
“The Age of Consent Is Just a Number”, Says Trump, Citing Medieval Marriages and Poe’s Cousin
Pentagon Unhinged: Pete Hegseth Declares War on Bar Stools, Strategic Competence
Kristi Noem’s Culinary Coup: “I Shot My Dog, Now I Eat Yours”
United States of Aloneica: Dispatches from the Sociocide Zone
Not Sure Media Exclusive: Trump Declares War on PBS, Gets Drop-Kicked by Elmo in Front of Big Bird and Cookie Monster
Congress Bans Itself from Stock Trading, But Only After Trump Finishes Monetizing Democracy Like a Limited Edition NFT
BREAKING: Newly Recovered Footage Fills the Infamous 60-Second Gap in Epstein’s Jail Surveillance—And What’s Seen Entering the Cell May Shock You
BREAKING: Gavin Newsom Challenges Trump to No-Holds-Barred Wrestling Match to Appease Simple-Minded MAGA Base
Donald Trump Announces Takeover of Washington Commanders: Vows to Rename Team “The Washington Redforeskins”
Bald Justice: Citizen Sues Trump Over Hair Loss Epidemic
Trump Dodges Epstein Questions by Blaming Obama for Inventing the Entire 2016 Russia Investigation and, Possibly, Russia
BREAKING: Shirtless Trump Enters Red Bull Soapbox Derby in Giant Taco-Shaped Vehicle to Distract from Epstein Scandal
Karoline Leavitt’s Cross Necklace Bursts Into Flames After Dodging Epstein Question
RFK Jr. Slashes Cancer Research Funding, Declares Cancer “A Hoax Invented by Jimmy Carter in 1979”
Trump Reportedly Tells DOJ to “Look Into Ozzy Osbourne’s Death” to Distract from Epstein Questions
Donald Trump Spotted on Horseback During ICE Raid in MacArthur Park
AI IN EDUCATION A NEW PARADIGM IN THE MAKING