NotSure News
We are committed to delivering unbiased and thought-provoking coverage of current affairs, all while offering a discerning perspective that encourages reflection, and perhaps a smirk, on the world around us.
Disclaimer: Not Sure Media is proudly unfunded, unfiltered, and financially unstable. We twist real events into satirical fever dreams using nothing but our own empty wallets and emotional debt because, in times like these, the truth needs to be spoon-fed with humor, rage, and a dash of digestive aid.
DON’T LET THE JEFFEREY EPSTEIN—DONALD TRUMP CHILD TRAFFICING RING STORY DISSAPEAR IN THE TRUMP SMOKE CLOUD
BREAKING NEWS………
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White House Gift Shop Unveils Bold New Line: MAGA Diapers and “Jefferey Epstein: Phase 2” Binders
The Peace Talks That Broke Reality: Putin’s Mind Games and Trump’s Hero Worship
Bernie Sanders Declares War on Oligarchs, Offers Free Pitchforks to All Americans
White House Photo of Trump “Confronting” Putin Actually Shows Him Pointing Out Borscht Stain
BREAKING: Historic Peace Breakthrough Reached on the Porcelain Front
Putin and Trump Take Break From Alaska Talks for Backyard Hose Duel
The Great Sandwich Uprising: When Footlongs Became Freedom’s Baton
The Caveman Conundrum: Trump Declares War on Prehistoric Packages
Donny Bananas: The Thumb-Toed Luchador Trump Won’t Claim
Newsom Declares “Liberation Day” as California Redistricts to Counter Texas; ICE Agents Mistake Civic Engagement for Sedition
Eric and Don Jr. Launch “You’ve Been Trumped” Coin, Say Grifting Is a Family Value
President Trump Conducts “Street-Level” Homelessness Inspection in Military Regalia By The Capitol Ledger Staff
Stephen Miller: “It’s Her or the Mayo — And I’m Still Thinking” By The National Spittoon News Service
The President Who Loved Tanks Too Much
President Trump Orders Army Corps to Flood California Farms: “Let the Water Pick the Produce”
Ohio Reassigns Public School Buses to Private School Kids After Rich Families Complain Their Limo Drivers “Don’t Do Mornings”
Trump Reportedly Hit Up MythBusters to Debunk Epstein Scandal; Teen Girl Crash Test Dummies Still Accused Him of Sexual Abuse
ICE Deploys Rented Electric Scooters to “Gently Relocate” Immigrant in Los Angeles
NotSure News Hires Fact Checker With Troubled Past
President Trump Refuses to Leave White House Roof, Declares “Camp MAGA” a Sovereign Nation
JD Vance Enters Hell to Investigate Trump–Satan Sex Scandal; Melania Says “He Only Screams Like That for Lucifer”
“It’s a Small World After All”: JD Vance Enjoys Beer-Fueled Brawl with Goofy While Family Detained in Pirate-Themed ICE Raid
Texas Democrats Declare Autonomous Zone in Chicago Hotel, Republicans Respond with Flaming Gavel Parade
Trump Debunks Micro-Penis Rumors with Sausage, Blames Obama’s “Unfairly Majestic Presidential Meat”
“The Age of Consent Is Just a Number”, Says Trump, Citing Medieval Marriages and Poe’s Cousin
Pentagon Unhinged: Pete Hegseth Declares War on Bar Stools, Strategic Competence
Kristi Noem’s Culinary Coup: “I Shot My Dog, Now I Eat Yours”
United States of Aloneica: Dispatches from the Sociocide Zone
Not Sure Media Exclusive: Trump Declares War on PBS, Gets Drop-Kicked by Elmo in Front of Big Bird and Cookie Monster
Congress Bans Itself from Stock Trading, But Only After Trump Finishes Monetizing Democracy Like a Limited Edition NFT
BREAKING: Newly Recovered Footage Fills the Infamous 60-Second Gap in Epstein’s Jail Surveillance—And What’s Seen Entering the Cell May Shock You
BREAKING: Gavin Newsom Challenges Trump to No-Holds-Barred Wrestling Match to Appease Simple-Minded MAGA Base
Donald Trump Announces Takeover of Washington Commanders: Vows to Rename Team “The Washington Redforeskins”
Bald Justice: Citizen Sues Trump Over Hair Loss Epidemic
Trump Dodges Epstein Questions by Blaming Obama for Inventing the Entire 2016 Russia Investigation and, Possibly, Russia
BREAKING: Shirtless Trump Enters Red Bull Soapbox Derby in Giant Taco-Shaped Vehicle to Distract from Epstein Scandal
Karoline Leavitt’s Cross Necklace Bursts Into Flames After Dodging Epstein Question
Trump Secretly Sends Pam Bondi to Strike Deal With Ghislaine Maxwell: “My Supporters Will Eat It Up Like a Golden Big Mac”
RFK Jr. Slashes Cancer Research Funding, Declares Cancer “A Hoax Invented by Jimmy Carter in 1979”
Trump Reportedly Tells DOJ to “Look Into Ozzy Osbourne’s Death” to Distract from Epstein Questions
Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth Falls Off Airport Barstool, Cites “Strategic Descent” in Defense of Freedom
Donald Trump Spotted on Horseback During ICE Raid in MacArthur Park
AI IN EDUCATION A NEW PARADIGM IN THE MAKING